I have stupidly tolerate 5 years of your nonsense that whenever you are unhappy or that you are dumped by someone and you came looking for me.
How much of such heartaches do I have to face each time you came and disappear from my life. Each time I see your name appearing on my screen, part of me feels happy to hear from you again and the consequences? Tons of tears and sleepless nights.
The heartache of seeing you being with someone else. The heartache of seeing you with different girls. The heartache that I have never learnt my lessons. The heartache of being used, knowing it but continue turning a blind eye to it. The heartache of not knowing when you will disappear again and reappear someday.
One week for myself to make this major decision of officially blocking you from my contacts since you cannot forget my number.
Never be shortchanged. Never lose yourself in the process of loving someone and it us worse if they are unworthy. Especially when it is true love that you are seeking for.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Friday, October 3, 2014
Me
You know those days that I laughed so hard and smile so much, they are happy moments but I am filled with pain.
You know those days where people misunderstood why I have slept so much but what they do not know is that I try to sleep away my pain.
You know those day when I could not sleep despite that I am tired. It is those nights that memories and tons of non-answerable questions float through my mind.
The feeling of being depressed is that you feel that you can never be happy again.
No matter how much wonderful moments or memories you tried to create, you just can't be happy like before.
No matter how much people who shows or claimed that they are here for you, that they love you, you just feel so lonely no matter what.
It is a feeling where you feel no one understands what you are going through and that you are constantly misunderstood for your actions, your choices made.
The feeling where you do not want others to know that this is what you are going through right now.
The pain. Just the pain that no one can get it.
You know those days where people misunderstood why I have slept so much but what they do not know is that I try to sleep away my pain.
You know those day when I could not sleep despite that I am tired. It is those nights that memories and tons of non-answerable questions float through my mind.
The feeling of being depressed is that you feel that you can never be happy again.
No matter how much wonderful moments or memories you tried to create, you just can't be happy like before.
No matter how much people who shows or claimed that they are here for you, that they love you, you just feel so lonely no matter what.
It is a feeling where you feel no one understands what you are going through and that you are constantly misunderstood for your actions, your choices made.
The feeling where you do not want others to know that this is what you are going through right now.
The pain. Just the pain that no one can get it.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
好累
I hardly tell my parents about the issues and problems that I have to deal in my daily life.
But the recent unhappy episodes made me broke down and cry. Work has not be as smooth sailing.
I have never felt as lost in my life.
But the recent unhappy episodes made me broke down and cry. Work has not be as smooth sailing.
I have never felt as lost in my life.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Missing
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Whenever I see your picture and those memories floats back.
Whenever I see your picture and those memories floats back.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Necessary?
My love whom I fall in love with unexpectedly, your immature and inconsiderate actions affected me deeply.
Have you ever consider how your own actions and thoughts could affect my feelings?
You are the least person I could think of that will re-deleted me from facebook and un-follow me from instagram. If it was accidentally as claimed, deletion from 2 different social media was too coincidence.
I hope you understand someday that you may have broken my heart but not my love for you. And I hope this genuine feelings will regain your lost faith in loving someone worthy someday. Always remember, don't be short changed.
Have you ever consider how your own actions and thoughts could affect my feelings?
You are the least person I could think of that will re-deleted me from facebook and un-follow me from instagram. If it was accidentally as claimed, deletion from 2 different social media was too coincidence.
I hope you understand someday that you may have broken my heart but not my love for you. And I hope this genuine feelings will regain your lost faith in loving someone worthy someday. Always remember, don't be short changed.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Career Quarterlife Crisis In Twenty Sense
"What are you working as now? " and "How much are you earning now?" I have this conversation so many times that I feel this is epidemic.
Being a twenty something woman with no family of my own and aplentiful of time to carve out a career, it can be tough on the bad days to establish an identity of my own.
I am at a point where I face alot of anxiety and a sense of being adrift and lost when all problems come to me at once.
Each time when I change a job, it is also a change of a career where I got to get out of my own comfort zone and start things anew. It is almost like changing lives.
This quarter life crisis is a struggle of not just a career, but to a perfect career.
I do not know where life and opportunities might bring me to in a near future. But I am sure it will be wonderful be it good or bad. Each turns, each change would definitely make me a better person as long as I have the right attitude.
Being a twenty something woman with no family of my own and aplentiful of time to carve out a career, it can be tough on the bad days to establish an identity of my own.
I am at a point where I face alot of anxiety and a sense of being adrift and lost when all problems come to me at once.
Each time when I change a job, it is also a change of a career where I got to get out of my own comfort zone and start things anew. It is almost like changing lives.
This quarter life crisis is a struggle of not just a career, but to a perfect career.
I do not know where life and opportunities might bring me to in a near future. But I am sure it will be wonderful be it good or bad. Each turns, each change would definitely make me a better person as long as I have the right attitude.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Unspoken Feelings
Have you ever likes someone so much but decided to keep them inside your heart cause it is for the best?
It is so painful but I'm understanding.
It is so painful but I'm understanding.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Leaving Some People In Your Past
I have trouble giving up on people.
And it makes me sad to know that people could easily abandon a friendship or relationship like a pinch of salt. Being abandon is a kind of feeling that makes tears swell up at the back of your throat. The sadness that lingers and lingers and hoping one day it would just fade away with time. It is not an easy thing to accept.
If someone is not meant to be in your life, they will not stay put and will not be convienced otherwise. The last time I went through this, I come to understand that we are always in constant motion. We change every single day. Some relationships are more forgiving, some just ceased abruptly. Through all these bad experiences, I grew older and wiser and became more selective about whom I gave my time and effort to. I found good friends that are not afraid to admit that they do not want to lose me and kept them close.
Instead of spending time wondering about my loss, I took all these effort to nuture the rest. Surrounding myself with people who makes me a better person than I was yesterday.
It is true when they say holding onto something irreparable feels worse.
And it makes me sad to know that people could easily abandon a friendship or relationship like a pinch of salt. Being abandon is a kind of feeling that makes tears swell up at the back of your throat. The sadness that lingers and lingers and hoping one day it would just fade away with time. It is not an easy thing to accept.
If someone is not meant to be in your life, they will not stay put and will not be convienced otherwise. The last time I went through this, I come to understand that we are always in constant motion. We change every single day. Some relationships are more forgiving, some just ceased abruptly. Through all these bad experiences, I grew older and wiser and became more selective about whom I gave my time and effort to. I found good friends that are not afraid to admit that they do not want to lose me and kept them close.
Instead of spending time wondering about my loss, I took all these effort to nuture the rest. Surrounding myself with people who makes me a better person than I was yesterday.
It is true when they say holding onto something irreparable feels worse.
Love In Twenty Sense
Ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened? I do.
A recent incident inspires me to pen my thoughts so that maybe someday I would look back on the good times often enough to remind myself to take pride in the growth that has happen to me in these few months or years.
Letting go of a bad relationships can be complicated, it is almost like experiencing death of all sorts. Even if you are coping perfectly well before they even came into your life.
2 years full of tears was how long it took me to move on. Just when I thought that things are getting better, I fall in love with someone whom I was not suppose to and my life got into pit bottom once again.
A recent incident inspires me to pen my thoughts so that maybe someday I would look back on the good times often enough to remind myself to take pride in the growth that has happen to me in these few months or years.
Letting go of a bad relationships can be complicated, it is almost like experiencing death of all sorts. Even if you are coping perfectly well before they even came into your life.
2 years full of tears was how long it took me to move on. Just when I thought that things are getting better, I fall in love with someone whom I was not suppose to and my life got into pit bottom once again.
Maybe someday I will begin to live again, but not so until I have given grief its time.
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